foooooooooooooooood!, originally uploaded by chion.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/chionwolf/sets/72157594148150192/show/
foooooooooooooooood!
May 29, 2006 at 3:39 am (Uncategorized)
May 27, 2006 at 5:20 am (Uncategorized)
so i'm about to go to bed- had a bittersweet day. sweet because i went to a red sox game and it was unbelievable… pictures are on their way (we paid $25 for $90 seats!).
bitter, rather, concerned, because Guy's pacemaker/difibrulator got infected. after two surgeries to put them IN, they had to go in this morning and take ALL of it out. and i guess after they were done with him this morning, he and mom were hanging out in his room in the hospital, and he started bleeding a lot. four nurses came in and got it under control, and he's better now.
i've never heard my mom's voice sound the way it did when i spoke with her today… my concern for guy is obvious and easy to sympathize with. my mom… she commits herself to being Very Strong, which is a useful tool- but especially today, being the one to call the nurses in, watching her husband bleed out, well, if she were stoic, i think i'd be more worried… but i can hear the toll this is taking on her in her voice. and there's nothing anyone can do- this is just a flat out tough time that seems to have been going on forever.
and guy, who didn't want the surgery in the first place, is not getting much cosmic support. we just want to keep him here as long as we can, and it's like we keep getting so close to a solution, to a way of maintaining, and something goes wrong. he's tired and i don't blame him. my mind goes into a hundred little scenarios that are useless to imagine. even the good ones. this is all up to him. except for fucking infections.
whoever's reading this, send some bright light to mom & guy please. they keep trying so hard and go through so much pain and waiting and frustration and fright, it's not the way anyone should live.
thanks… 
peace.
alfred likes fuzzy socks too!
May 25, 2006 at 3:38 am (Uncategorized)
alfred likes fuzzy socks too!, originally uploaded by chion.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/chionwolf/sets/72157594144528769/show/
Thanks to my friend Ryan…
May 23, 2006 at 7:37 pm (Uncategorized)
…for this:
Talking Cats
i like the "do you love me or not" cat best.
May 23, 2006 at 2:39 am (Uncategorized)
after much time thinking, i really don't WANT to see "United 93". i mean, it's done, it's over, why subject myself to witnessing anything related to that day again?
i decided that because i try to keep my promises to friends, and i'd promised Solomon, that i'd go with him to see it. he and i talk politics all the time at work, and he'ssosososooooo into airplanes and air traffic control and all that. he practically lives in his flight simulator. anyway. i had to go see this movie, at least so Solomon wouldn't be alone.
a lot went through my mind. at the beginning: why the hell am i doing this to myself? this is going to be hard. towards the end: hoping for a different ending. this is, i'm sure, a byproduct of the movie-theater training. i'd hoped the Titanic wouldn't sink too. the very last moments of the movie, when you see the ground coming up at the plane through the cockpit, i had a flash of, again, why the hell am i doing this to myself? i thought in that moment about psycho-cybernetics, how memories and habits and events physically engrave themselves in your brain matter, the more you re-live or re-enact the event. physically. i wondered why i was sitting there, willingly carving these lines in my brain.
finally, when the screen goes dark and it's silent and all the surround-sound screaming is suddenly muted… i'm glad i saw it. i can't explain why. but i was glad i saw it.
i'll never see it again, though.
afterwards, we talked about how under-prepared the country was for the attacks that day. which inevitably led to, are we really that much more prepared now? and how much preparedness can you reasonably expect in that kind of situation? i know for sure that i'll NEVER know for sure exactly what went right or wrong in the lines of communication that day- who wasn't on the ball, who did everything in their power, who was paralyzed (while reading to school children, perhaps), who was brave.
we'll never know. i'm grateful that i have no affiliation with anyone who died that day- at the same time, aware that there was no discrimination regarding who died that day. on a plane, at work, on the streets, no matter. it could have been the ones i loved most. it could have been me. that's the thing. that's why it hits everyone so hard. it wasn't soldiers in some severely misguided war that got hurt and killed- it was you and it was me.
we remember all these dates in history, but do we remember what they mean? how they were dealt with? what happened next?
what happened next… a "war" in Iraq. Osama bin Laden, who knows. Aren't the families of everyone who died that day, or because of that day, livid? aren't we? why not? has it been too long already? is there nothing we can do?
there is. voting. which we did. but Dubya's still behind the wheel. and we just keep waiting. if we could do it all over again, well, we can't. but it'd be different. i don't know what we would do to respond to that day, but it'd be different. as helpless as i feel, i rest in just feeling it, if that's all i can do for the moment.
on a completely different note……
Lauren is working on figuring out which of her already-earned credits she can transfer to CT!!!!!!!!!! Yessir, that's right, to good ol' Connect-i-cut. There's some obnoxious red tape that she's got to rip through, but hopefully within 6 months, she'll be a NewEnglander, going to Red Sox games, and appreciating just how useful a hoodie and her car's heater can be in the cold! I am so excited, and it just feels so right. she's already here anyway.
Time for wine. I've got tomorrow off.
Peace.
burnt up old house.
May 22, 2006 at 3:40 am (Uncategorized)
burnt up old house., originally uploaded by chion.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/chionwolf/sets/72057594141659557/show/
MORE PICTURES!!!
May 21, 2006 at 4:51 pm (Uncategorized)
May 18, 2006 at 3:45 pm (Uncategorized)
what an amazing week. Lauren and i had a BLAST, did a lot of really fun stuff, and finally got to spend some damn good time together. brought her to the airport yesterday, as much as i didn't want to, but it's just part of the process we gotta deal with. we'll remedy this soon…
pictures are up on Flickr! i haven't organized 'em into a gallery yet, but i'll do that asap.
back to work……. 
