sure enough…

i had two dreams that i remember last night…

in one, Lauren was visiting, and she started kissing me, being sweet… and i realized we were together!  and my first thought was “i have to break up with her AGAIN!?!?”  The last time was horrible.  I thought that was funny after i woke up.  So i thought today i’d check out her MySpace page, and she’s “In A Relationship”!  Thank god.  i hope whoever she’s with loves the very sweet, thoughtful attention she’ll get, and also doesn’t mind a surprise snappy jealous comment here and there.  that turns some people on, so who knows!

My other dream was  that i’d formed my own version of Broken Social Scene (a band out of Canada that i love), and our first gig was in the gym of my elementary school.  In front of elementary school kids.  i had a set list at my feet with song names i’d never heard of, and the band watching me for cues on when to start playing.  to stall, i told the kids how i used to go to this school (like they’d actually give a shit) and enthusiastically announcing how important learning is and to be nice to your teachers because they’re underpaid.  i woke up before we started playing, thank god.

anyway.  i’ve got a busy day!  Finished laundry, finished washing my hair… now off to get my parents high speed internet set up! (my xmas present to them)  I called comcast to have the bills sent to me, and now all i have to do is pick up the splitter and internet box and hope it’s as easy to set up as they say it is.  we shall see!

Slante!

ashley and i broke up about 3 years ago. i just heard her voice for the first time since the break up phone call. wow.

she’s gonna be in town in january, and we’ve decided that we’re both on the same page, and ready to see each other.  we’d been text messaging, making plans and stuff, and she asked to call me.

okay.

and she just did.  and that was her voice, exactly how it souded coming from her face the whole time i knew her, and i sweated through my shirt during laughing and plans and i kept trying to catch my breath before i spoke.

this is a big deal to me.  it always has been.  but at this time, i’m more excited than anything.   i don’t carry any anger anymore.  i have learned SO MUCH in the past two years specifically, than i ever expected.  tables turned in big ways, and i was able to see how complex things are, ESPECIALLY when all you want to do is make it black and white.  it never is.  never never never.

and, everything is relative.  that tattoo is coming soon. 

I can’t wait.  i just heard her voice.  everything’s gonna be all right.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/chionwolf/sets/72157594441874133/show

http://www.flickr.com/photos/chionwolf/sets/72157594441600909/show

http://www.flickr.com/photos/chionwolf/sets/72157594441546698/show

http://www.flickr.com/photos/chionwolf/sets/72157594438661093/show

http://www.flickr.com/photos/chionwolf/sets/72157594435624607/show

i love that girl.

just got home from an awesome night at Barcelona with Lindsay, full of long, long stories, big, big laughs, and i finally memorized the order of her breasts, which she affectionately calls “Biggie Smalls”. Left to right, looking at her, it’s Biggie, and then Smalls.

Fucking love this girl. she makes me feel like i’m doing the best i can. i suppose i am.

i just made my first reservation ever.

my girl Lindsay is flying in from San Francisco tonight, and she will be a hungry, hungry hippo (as will i), so i’m taking her to Barcelona in West Hartford for some STEAK AND WINE!!! I haven’t seen her in forever, and we only keep up with each other via blog. which is how i keep up with most people that matter. it’s just the way it is, and i’ll sure as hell take whatever i can get. but there’s nothin’ like sitting across from someone and touching them when they say something outrageous.

i will be touching lindsay a lot tonight. but neither of us is putting out. such is the nature of our relationship.

anyway! Boy do i feel like a Big Girl, phoning in a reservation for two, using my last name only. Fucking BADass.

whee!

i think this will be the year of me not repeating mistakes.

…well, at least not very many.

and i hope it lasts longer than a year.

and starts right away.

i’m glad i’m getting older. i think i’ve been imagining i have more life experience and wisdom. now i’m beginning to really have it, and i’m so excited for more, in whatever forms.

something about saturn return.