sure enough…

yesterday i went to the Legislative Office Building (LOB) next to the Capitol, and got audio and pictures of Montel Williams speaking out in support of a medical marijuana bill in Connecticut!

How cool. There i was with my lanyard and my (relatively, of course) cheap camera, my minidisk recorder and swooshy black puffy vest, trying to look like i’d done this a hundred times when really, i was giddy and electrified the whole time. I felt like an eager imposter, crouching down for the photo, writing names down as if i didn’t have the agenda handout, waiting for someone to pull me by my keycard, and throw me out for posing as a reporter.

I put our mic up on the podium before Montel arrived, and i put it up with the “flag” (little box around the end of the mic that is HUGE and shows your channel station’s logo for all the videographers to film) right next to Channel 8… Thinking, oh man, i never thought about who puts up the flagged mics on the podium… the lens is widening. fast.

Montel spoke emphatically, frankly, passionately, emotionally (totally got a shot of his wet under-eyes from crying), articulately, dramatically. I was so impressed. I was about 4 feet away from him the whole time. when he and i made eye contact, i tightened up but never let it show. i looked calm. how cool. i’d hoped for a picture, but after a few handshakes and encouraging hugs, Montel was rushed out the back door, on his way back to New York, hoping the staties don’t pull him over. He called it “safe passage”, and he certainly hoped for it. i did too, for him.

lately, i’ve been wishing i had more and more time to be working for NPR. sure there are days where there’s nothing outside the usual critical things, and i fill my time… and then there’s times where i can’t even stick around to dump the sound (read: to insert the minidisk into the computer for the purpose of recording onto the sound software to listen to and edit later). I think about how i know i’d survive working part time at my 40-hour-a-week job, but how i also really love feeling for the first time ever that i’ve been saving money and making money like a “real adult”, and i ALSO ALSO really love feeling like i’ll always be okay, montetarily, at least, by having these savings and this GREAT income.

especially if it’s just me and momo. but man, i’ve always fantisized about the glories of Duel Income. that must be cool.

anyway. tomorrow’s off! watching the recent PBS documentary about deaf culture at Brian’s with Lauren and Derek, then soccer (god help me after last time) at 9!!!

Then Monday i’m back at the LOB to take pictures and get audio for the Love Makes a Family testifying before the Marriage Equality bill’s hearing. Effing BADASS.

…last night i had a dream that i was interning for Weird Al.

it was just as great as you imagine it would be.

i’ve always thought i was pretty smart. Smarter about some things more than others, but a smart kid, you know?

Ever since i’ve been at NPR, i feel that i am becoming so, so much smarter. In so many ways.

I’m using my imagination like i haven’t used it since i was a daring little girl who morphed into Super Bunny in the woods on a sunny afternoon, to a vulnerable little girl, retreating to my parents bedroom in the middle of the night, dragging my blanket and pillow to sleep on the floor on my mom’s side of the bed, because i’d kept myself awake, nursing vivid stories of the monster lurking in my closet.

i’m needing to be brave and interview people who didn’t ask to be interviewed. it’s scary sometimes to do things you’ve never done before, to rely on a stranger’s consent to get your job done… i’m getting used to the butterflies in the stomach just being a regular part of “the job”.

I’m calling it “the job” like i’m getting paid and i’m in the company directoy. It’s so real. I’m so accountable.

I have always loved and respected and weighted so heavily the concept of accountability. It excites me like the music at the beginning of NBC Nightly News. Accountability changes everything for the better. I’m seeking it out not only to see what i’ve done, but what i could do next and process via experience and see how i DID, and how i could do better and how proud i am of all of it.

i have a “posterity” folder on the computer at NPR.

Today, James Tillman was in-studio. He was wrongly imprisoned by the state of Connecticut for 18 and 1/2 years for rape. DNA tests set him free about a year ago. Our governor offered him a tax-free, lump sum of $500,000 and publicly apologized to him at her budget address. He is suing for $5 million.

I went to the lobby to greet him and bring him up to the studio, and upon seeing his face, i just melted. One of THE gentlest human beings i’ve ever met. i couldn’t stop touching him when i talked, putting my hand on his shoulder and laughing with him.

I had put together a 2-minute vox pop piece (a question posed by me, followed by a string of answers from different people) for the B-segment. I asked if the state had wrongly imprisoned you for 17 years (Av and i both found the 17 year figure – a year and a half short – dammit), and then you were set free, what should your compensation be? It was the first vox pop that i edited with absolutely zero help before approval. Lucy really liked it, and Av raised his eyebrows and said “good job!”. I got complimented a lot today, and all of it means so much.

i am always reminded that i get to spend 30 hours a week with some of the smartest, hard-working people i’ve ever met.

they have a swear jar as a joke. it just makes them swear more.

This will and always is leading to GREAT things.

lord, this has been a BUSY day off!

My boss’ gramma passed away, and today was the funeral, so i came in to work for him until 1:30… went to the dentist for an ego-boosting checkup (i’ve improved more than ANYBODY, my attractive dentist tells me!), then to NPR to finish editing my vox pop for the Tillman interview tomorrow.

Here’s all of that, broken down into little details.

Last night i ended up staying at work, alone, until 11pm, crying. i had a customer that hit a NERVE with me. long story short, one of the fucking indirect, reselling t-mobile “authorized dealers” fucked with his daughter’s account. activated a line when they should have replaced just the lost phone. I was trying to explain how this complicates things, and what i have to do, but HE thought i was just coming up with excuses. my bad for talking out loud and explaining what exactly happened. he accuses me of not caring, of just wanting him and his daughter to leave so i could go home (this was all about 5 minutes before the store was to close). This was so so so far from true. The customers before him were so thrilled with me and my work that THEY asked ME for a survery to fill out. So this was really cutting to be accused of.

i felt my neck and face heating up and i pushed my finger into my desk repeatedly as i said, “I would love nothing MORE than to say yes yes yes to you and do what you want me to do, it’s much FASTER to say YES than to say NO, I’M just trying to explain why this isn’t as simple as you WANT it to be”. He stormed out of the store, and i asked his daughter to keep him away. “i want to give you what you want. i want you to be happy. i’m on your SIDE. and i like my job so *I* have to figure out how i can DO that while not getting myself in trouble. if he’s going to keep talking to me, it’s just not going to work. i can’t take it” i said.

I’ve never said “i can’t take it” before in my life. i meant it. i almost burst into tears.

after a few phone calls and one internal “fuck it, i’ll explain it to my boss later”, all was fixed. I made sure the dad could hear exactly all the ways the authorized dealer fucked up her account, made sure he could hear how i completely fixed everything. finally, at the end, he extended his hand and apologized. “I’m sorry. it’s just that we’ve been so frustrated, and i don’t wanna see anyone taking advantage of my daughter”.

I said, “i’m somebody’s daughter too”.

he understood, they left, i closed the gate and prompty started bawling once i was out of view of the cameras.

it was the nerve he hit of me feeling like sometimes i don’t do enough. it was also probably being up since six almost every day and lying in bed trying to sleep until one every morning because my mind won’t stop. it’s probably all the little stresses that everyone has their own versions of. it was probably a lot of things, and it felt great to cry my ass off with no one there to care that there was snot on my chin.

then ash called to tell me that she wishes we could have a hamburger together. i got to cry some more.

at work today, i almost pushed a lady in the face. if you have prepay, and you don’t use it for more than 3 months, the company recycles the account. we tell you this in the book that comes in the box. the lady was pissed that we’d done that (it’d been 6 months since she used her phone), and “nobody reads those books” in the box. How could i nicely say “that’s not our fault”?

I said, “That’s not our fault”.

there was no reasoning with her and she wanted to speak to my manager. she was heartless enough not to even pause after i said that he’s at a funeral, “well then GIVE ME YOUR CARD” like that’s a threat. fine. here’s my card. My name is pronounced “Khy-own”. Cunt.

the dentist! I’m platonically smitten with my dentist, Kelly. about a year ago, i went to the dentist for the first time in 8 years. i had periodontal disease (waaaaay beyond gingivitis). after many extremely uncomfortable procedures and me quitting smoking, brushing and flossing regularly, i have, according to Kelly, improved the health of my teeth more than any patient she’s ever had. “you just never SEE this!” she gawked while staring at my newly-updated chart comparison on the computer. i had her print the first one with all the red dots marking where i’d bled and 5 or 6 mm deep spots everywhere, and this one from today so i could put them in their frames and put ‘em on the wall. i am proud of myself.

Off to NPR- tomorrow we’re having James Tillman on the show. James Tillman was wrongly imprisoned by the state of Connecticut for RAPE for 17 years. DNA testing proved him innocent recently, and the governor put aside funding for his compensation, announced in her budget address. i interviewed 20 random people, asking them, if you were in his situation, how do you think you should be compensated? I narrowed it down to a 2-minute spot, to air during the show tomorrow.

it was weird being there in the afternoon, never having seen the sun hit the clock on the wall, and i felt like an authentic WNPR employee. i even uploaded the Faith Middleton Show so i wouldn’t have to do it tomorrow morning. cool.

now! i’m home, and am going to get ready for soccer tonight. i’m also going to drop off some of my chili (still unnamed) at my dad’s to see what he thinks! good times.

hope everyone’s damn well out there. happy spring.

morning…

from noon till ten it’s supposed to snow like nobody’s business, so schools are closing NOW. that blue frame of school closings and parking bans that used to thrill the shit out of me in those suspenseful mornings, waiting for “F” to come up for my home town, SURE that my bastard school would be the one that wouldn’t close…… and when it did? Holy hell, there is no good feeling like the good feeling of having a snow day.

But! This morning i’m off to NPR, then to work until ten. Luckily i’ll have the mic and minidisk recorder, so i can probably get some vox pop i need while work is slow.

for now- shake off my grogginess, warm up the car, get ready for work, find my gloves, start this day, hope the mall closes early.

My brother Chris indulged in excessive cookery today, and i am doing the same!!! check out my flickr site… i was on my way home from NPR this afternoon and upon seeing the Whole Foods exit and remembering part of a conversation last night about how GOOD the meat is there for chili, i couldn’t resist. it’s been too long since i made The Best Chili In The World*.

It’s supposed to snow/sleet tonight, so i’m in for the duration. The chili is all together and simmering, i’ve finished a friendly, cold New Castle, listening to Sufjan Stevens (upon the recommendation of beautiful Bellis), and not sure what to do next. which feels really good.

Slante.

*with the exception of my father’s South Philly Chili

just got back from a hot date with myself! Took the ol’ ball and Me to the movies to see “300″. I’d been wanting to see it since whenever it was a first saw the trailer…

It was exactly what i expected.

AWESOME work done by very talented people. The art is something these people should be so proud of making and being a part of.

The writing, eh. Would’ve been more moving had it stayed in orginal graphic novel form, left to the reader with a book in his hands (there’s something about those little bubbles, the physical placement of the words, the use of italics and bold print, set just in the right spot in the frame, or out of it, that your brain produces the perfect tone of voice at the perfect moment, the perfect pause to take your own breath away, by means of eyes and imagination).

I’m glad i saw it on the big screen. Best violent scene, by the way? When the sword cuts through that crazy, big, ugly guy’s bicep.

Oh, and if i were at LEAST bi-sexual, i’d be so thrilled to gaze upon all those abs and pecs for 2+ hours. Hell, i’m a big les, and i enjoyed the scenery. Female breasts were involved, of course. At attention, they were. That’s nice.

I also got to catch up with Ash on the phone tonight. We don’t know what to do with each other, exactly, so we’re planning a trip to Philadelphia to see each other in April. Hoping my boss is generous enough to give me a week off then, in ADDITION to the week off the month after that for Japan. I know i’m going to Japan, that’s a sure-bet, but i’m not sure how approving he’ll be of the Philly one. Hoping he’s sympathetic, knowing where my heart is in all this, knowing her, me…

If i go, i’m taking the train. I’ve never taken a train that i can remember (besides various city subways), and i’m treating myself to business class and a few good books and staring out the window, listening, and being left alone.

i do love being left alone.

but i also love great big hugs and kisses and smiles and laughs and philly cheesesteak. we shall see.

off to bed – i have NPR tomorrow morning and i only just NOW realized that i’m off from work after that!!! What to do with my DAY!?!? Maybe an exciting oil change and after that, the possibilities are endless.

Slante.

i just witnessed the “spring ahead” hour-lost of my mac’s clock.

everything being relative, i wonder which side of the hour we continue on? doesn’t make much of a difference.

had a LOVELY day – work was decent, had tons of people on staff… then i met up with Lauren and Derek and Lauren’s dad for dinner at Lemongrass (thai food!) in west hartford. One word: Curry. One other word: onions. One last few words: Naturally, i am not making out with anybody for the next millenia, give or take a decade. I’d better get my stick so i can beat the the women off (intended) with it.

THEN!!! We saw a deaf cabaret. Very, very cool three hour long musical showcase of this troop of interpreters put together. It was, at times, very funny and moving, and i was very excited to be introduced to the creator of the show, who is also on the board for national ASL certifications. VERY cool to have met and she wants to have lunch soon so we (lauren, derek, brian) can pick her brain about how to become interpreters! Cushy, cushy job. One of the many things she does is be the on-call translator at UConn (hospital). Cooooool!

THEN!!!

We went to see the Soul Merchants, a really great local ska/reggae/rock band, at Sully’s. Hadn’t been in a while! Met a white woman with blond dreadlocks and a lip ring and DIDN’T want to be in a picture with me. Couldn’t believe it. The band sounded great, it was nice to just groove and nod my head for a while…

tomorrow i have OFF!!!

I Will:
-Sleep as late as i want
-swing by mom & guy’s
-pick up Brian
-take us to Derek’s to go for a hike in the fresh, 50 degree, post-winter-pre-spring beautiful weather
-play some late-night soccer!

And thanks to everyone for their sweet thoughts and responses to my big radio show on Friday!!! That whole day and that whole broadcast turned out to be a million times better than i’d imagined. My brother Paul called in from Spain (total suprise)!!! And i got to record the promos AND ANNOUNCE THE WEATHER, which was my tip-of-the-iceberg-GOAL going into this internship. The STATION MANAGER listened to the promos and said i have a GREAT VOICE! And so did George, which makes me stupid-happy, because even though he’s nice, he’ll never say something JUST to be nice. He’s always honest with me when i fuck up. So it means a lot. AND, it’s funny ’cause at the end of my promos, i made a point to imitate how HE ends his promos. It’s this thing he does with his voice, exactly how it goes down.

the performer in me really, really loves this so much. something about a microphone, all demanding and the truest reporter of us all, right there in front of my mouth. it can hear me BREATHING. you know? something about an audience of strangers, mixed in with an audience of friends, all aimed my way. Right now in real life at this time exactly now.

off to sleep to start this day off right.

(one last thing: i’ve established a secret handshake for myself. Just in case there’s any confusion.)

slante.

Today started off really hard. eyes-welling-up hard. surprised at how i’d woke up imagining a much better day, and it was just not turning out at all like i’d just barely expected. george could even tell i was upset (long story with no resolution), and i was. i turned silent ’cause i still feel too new to confide in somebody my frustrations and disappointment with what had gone wrong in the morning… by the time i had time enough to get it out and cry, it was all hardened up.

UNTIL!

Until i got to work. My first three customers i wanted to throw out of the store. even at one point, i told one of them with the direct-tone-of-death that i keep in storage for when i REALLY need to be understood and taken seriously, “I know you’re trying to be FUNNY with me, but i CANNOT play today. I jus’t CAN’T, so PLEASE stop.” It’s a shame, because 99.99% of me enjoys playing in a don’t-take-things-so-seriously world, but then again, that .01% has gotta show itself sometime, if it’s there to begin with…

i got to a point of frustration with these customers that i thought, i could just go into the back room and lose my shit all over the place. i’m talking knocking chairs over in one momentous, passionate throwing of my whole body on the floor, wailing… it was easy to imagine, but once it was time to let go, i got a really sincerely sweet woman who just wanted to pay her bill. she softened me right up, and she had no idea what a difference she made.

the day went by slowly, but tolerably. at the end of the night, my boss and i lowered the gate, ordered pizzas and drank in the back room. he had Blue Moon, i had a hand of Jameson. Watched this tech guy install a router, and talked about people making their lives harder than they have to, and i learned something that fundamentally rocked my world and image of Jeff. Then i felt all priveledged to know one of his biggest, BIGGEST secrets. Cooooool.

and now i’m home, Fil is here, we have BACK STAGE PASSES to the COLBERT REPORT next Thursday, Momo’s handsome, and tomorrow i have off and lunch with mom and guy. effing sweet.

enjoying relativity.

slante.

Today was producive in more ways than one… slept till 11 (woohoo! I’m 17 again!), cleaned the apartment, threw some crap out, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned out the fridge, vacuumed, and did laundry. then, i watched a really great documentary called “Why We Fight”. Then, instead of going to the movies as planned, i decided to take a nap. (woohoo! I’m 17 again!)

Now, i’m headed off to Chengdu for some chicken, rice and curry and one of my favorite bartenders and three of my favorite friends on earth.

Life is good. Even if everything WASN’T all relative.

Slante.