i had to wake up early on this day off, to call into a conference call for work. the retail job, not the photo one. the call is on speaker now, and i’ve turned the volume down. my Market Manager is upset because over half the employees are under goals for certain metrics. I’m one of those employees. Being here for eight years, i’ve been pretty consistent with doing a good job, so i’m not quaking in my boots.
there’s this new product they want us to sell, and we’re not selling enough of it. And i keep hearing her announce these percentages, and comparing us with other markets, and insinuating that if you’re not comfortable being aggressive then maybe you should re-think if you belong here (this was a comment from a previous call).
I don’t like being threatened, even if it rolls right off me. And saying that if you’re not aggressive, you’re not effective… That’s like saying if you’re not a paparazzi, you’re not an effective photographer. This is a company full of so many different people. There’s sharks, there’s people who take an hour to finish with a customer, there’s people who are just trying to keep their electricity on. I hear my bosses about being the best sales rep you can be, i can’t fault them for insisting that we change our habits. There’s just a bad taste in my mouth. a manager friend of mine quit because of that bad taste.
I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with this job. It’s retail. i hate that. i work with some of my best friends. i love that. i have to sell. Even though generally i’m good at it, i hate selling, especially when my goals insinuate that i need to sell people shit that they DON’T NEED. i make LOTS of money. i love that.
i guess the core thing is that my brain is capable of doing SO MUCH MORE. it’s like my brain is a superhero in the wrong spandex outfit, so the superpowers are weakened. I can do photography whenever and wherever, and until i somehow get a regularly paying gig with it, i can’t think of how i can REALLY put my brain to its fullest use AND make a living at it.
i’m trying not to resent this sales gig i’ve been in for ten years now (8 at this one, 2 at another before). just because i’m good at it doesn’t mean i should keep doing it. but i can’t ever seem to find my way out of it, while not taking a massive pay cut and losing health insurance. It may come down to how much i really wanna get out down the line. I plan on staying with this company for another few years, but man, i don’t wanna die in retail. you know?
yikes. what a stupid way to start my day off.
