i finished reading “The Watchmen” last night, so of COURSE i wake up after a frantic, disjointed, end-of-the-world type dream.
My favorite! Sincerely.
Ever since i was little, i’ve always thought of the end of the world, or at least the end of human kind. it terrifies and excites me. In my dream, i was 1. starving and 2. had breaks to record at the station. The world is ending and one of my best friends and i are trying to figure out if we should go to Subway or Friendly’s, and i’m thinking about Atkins and what i can order off the menu that doesn’t have any carbs, AND i’m late for the studio. Combine the anxiety of feeling late, finding food to suit my diet while starving, and the world ending. Interesting chemistry, i think!
What really captivates me while looking back at this dream, and dreams like it – my horror at seeing explosions, or natural disasters HEADED STRAIGHT FOR ME!, stun me as if it were real. I had my camera with me as i watched these dream-inducted explosions, and i was so shocked and hypnotized by the event, that i couldn’t even raise my camera to at least aim for a shot. Perhaps this will prepare me for an event that is so shocking – i will have, through experience now, technically, felt the loss of missing out on a photograph, so i will be prepared and force myself to raise my arms for that shot. I’ll take these dreams for the same experience as “real-life”, after all: “The mind cannot tell the difference between an event that is real and an event that is vividly imagined”.
This is why indulging anxious thoughts is dangerous in your every day life. Your poor little blind, squishy mind doesn’t know that your worries aren’t what’s really happening! Every time you think of it, you physically imprint a path in your brain, connecting thoughts. Worry often, you engrave those trails, and expand them, encouraging the existence of the situation in your brain matter. Why would you do that? If you MUST imprint a scenario in your brain, why not make it a good one? A productive one? a useful one?
Ugh, all at 7 in the morning. GOOD morning. Time for eggs.
By the way, Atkins is going well – i found a tortilla that’s useful for EVERYTHING that’s got whole grains (i heart Lindsay), while maintaining a carb count that fits in my diet… and i’ve been eating more veggies than ever. I can’t imagine going back to how i used to eat carbs, since now i know the consequence of such over-saturation. AND, if i consider eating a hamburger, my logic goes – the buns are just filler, just functional to hold the meat. the price i’ll pay for that filler is unacceptable, so why bother eating it? That doesn’t work for awesome pasta dishes, or breaded chicken, things like that… but i’m getting to a point where i will have a little here and there. but NEVER anything like how i used to eat. Entire side dishes of lipton noodles? A whole box of mac and cheese? half a bag of chips and salsa? insanity.
eggs are calling!
happy day.
