sure enough…

update: guy and i got together in person on Saturday night, and hashed things out. in very much a nutshell: when he said he’d call it a “marriage”, he was speaking in the legal sense. Which is correct. he was coming from a law standpoint, and i was coming from a personal standpoint, and we just deadlocked. So everything’s alright. It even led to more issues being brought up, while we were at it, so it was productive, and exhausting.

so. everything is all right, as far as i can tell. i hope i never feel like that again. thanks for the love and support.

after the debates, guy and i got into a discussion about gay marriage. i called palin and biden both homophobic because they don’t support gay marriage.

here’s what brought me to tears and what felt like literally broke my heart:

guy said (paraphrasing only grammatically): “if you were to get married to a woman, i would call it a marriage, but i would put quotation marks on the word marriage”

he kept telling me that i misunderstand him, and that if that hurts my feelings, then that’s my choice.

and you know what? he’s right. I also chose to believe that he would view my wedding the same as he would view his other daughters weddings, or the eventual weddings of my straight brothers. Sorry, Chris, looks like if Paul marries his girlfriend of a few months (sorry, Paul, just using you as an example) it’s more legitimate to Guy than you marrying your boyfriend of how many years now? Six? It was my choice to assume he felt differently. He’s totally right. It’s my choice to want to throw up because this hurts me so deeply.

i haven’t even been in a real relationship since 2003. I haven’t even dated a woman or been kissed since 2006. it doesn’t matter to me now, but it matters to SOMEBODY now, and someday i might find someone who i want to marry and it breaks my heart in half, RIGHT down the middle, that someone whose opinion matters most to me feels this way. Rather, DOESN’T feel what i thought he would.

My fault. Sure thing.