sure enough…

last night, i had dinner with mom & guy, and ended up pleasantly surprised to be having a conversation with them about moving. that they brought up! who knows how concrete their plans are, but they’re thinking of moving – austin? northern california? certainly not Florida: god’s waiting room, as they like to call it. i could sense a little bit of apprehension at bringing it up – it’s the same apprehension i feel when i talk to them about me moving someday. can they live without me? will they feel like i’m abandoning them? as the only of their four children (and only girl) to stay close (the next town over), i’ve harbored a bit of “what about me?” feelings since the last one took off.

at the same time, we all know that our time together is so precious. and i needed it. there was a time where if i pictured living far away from them (which included my year in DC), i felt like an orphan. soulfully useless without their presence and guidance and reassurance. and sad. reflecting now, i feel like it would be dishonorable to NOT be viable on my own. they raised me better than to have me depend on them. I don’t anymore, but i do cherish them down to the deepest level, and thoroughly recognize that my time with them is the definition of precious.

i took this opportunity in conversation to tell them that i wouldn’t want them to stay around just for me, as much as they wouldn’t want me to stay just for them – mom swiftly nodded, “of course, of COURSE”. that was the secret consent that i’d been hoping to hear for YEARS, by the way…

after talking about places they had in mind, i told them that my best friend Jonatha is moving to Portland, Oregon in a little over a year, pending the sale of her and her boyfriend’s house. It’s been on my mind, Portland, and i’m still doing my research. if i go to Portland and mom & guy go to Northern California, that’d be so nice! We’ll be closer to Michael and Chris will be a MUCH shorter plane ride away… Paul will be furthest from all of us, but we can make things work.

it’s all in our heads now, but i’m looking around at the things i’d give away from my apartment. wondering how momo will cope with the long drive, how i’ll have to find a new vet. relieved to still travel through life with Jonatha, a woman i consider my only sister, blood-related or not. i think about if i would or could or would want to transfer with my job. how i would have to rebuild my photography business from scratch – how i know that if i could do it here, i could do it there. excited. still considering other places. we’ll see.

that’s the update. off to watch the Redwings game with Phil, jonatha’s boyfriend, then save the day at work for three hours to help a co-worker off the scheduled hook… then dinner with my dad, his wife Carol, and the most lovable patriarch i’ve ever known, Papa. Dad’s grilling Omaha Steaks, and i’ll be soaking it all up for as long as i’m so close.