sure enough…

ooof.

i have SUCH a big fat seed of a crush on this straight woman whose wedding i’m photographing in Kansas this November.

Thing is, because i’ve go this big fat seed of a crush on her, she’ll get absolutely stunning photographs. it’s only natural. chemistry, really.

in my rare and fleeting times of crush over my life from aged 5 until now, i’ve picked up a few handy self-made tips on coping with said crushes. First – establish realistic possibility of ever possibly getting anywhere. be honest. this first part is critical. Second – does the super-awesome personality she has in your imagination match what she’s like in life outside of your head? continue trend of honesty. Third – enjoy adoring! it feels great for those dusty parts of your brain to light up, to surrender to the excitement of seeing them around.

this one time, i was on a break from voice work in the studio, and she came in and sat down next to me. after talking for a minute, i realized that because she was sitting and talking with me, my whole body was heating up! i took off the arm warmers i was wearing, and my light vest, and told her “aye, you walk in the room and you’ve got me all hot and bothered!” I said it like a joke, but i totally meant it. she leaned into me and laughed, and i made sure to look away more than i wanted to.

I am lucky to be attracted to one person a year. it’s like that. i wish so badly that it were different. Similarly, i wish i liked seafood and cottage cheese and pickles, most fruits, and dark chocolate (since my beloved white chocolate is somehow fewer and far between in availability!). At the same time, i recognize that you must always be careful what you wish for… If i were attracted to more people, i might have a lot more trouble on my hands. Let my grass be greener for once.

So it’s a seed that i don’t water. I just play it cool and not look at her more than anyone else would, but i DO see her in the reflection of the recording studio glass when she walks by. she has a distinctive silhouette, a distinctive profile, so it’s like her ghost just breezing by. i remind myself that I’ve learned to just let the ghosts pass through.