today is Hartford Pride.
when i was 16 and had just come out, Pride was so exciting, i could barely sleep the night before. I could hang out with my gay friends, do gay shopping (one more rainbow sticker won’t hurt!), and meet other gay people.
Now, i’m 28, and it totally turns me off.
Here’s the core of it: You are not your sexuality.
When you’re 16 and you’ve been concealing your sexual tendencies since kindergarten, and suddenly you’re out, hell YES, it’s ALL you are!!! That just makes psychological sense.
But now, at this age, it’s a much smaller part of who i am (especially considering my chronic singleness). And this leads me to my next thought…
I am incredibly irritated (but nice to) people who “act gay”. Butch lesbians. Effeminate men. I’m not talking the ones who just veer to the side, so to speak, but the outwardly homosexual types of people who just wear it on their sleeve (and ears and necks and t-shirts and car bumpers…). This is because they’re putting their sexuality on center stage, with all the solos, over-mic’d, making their sexuality the biggest thing about them.
That just seems creepy. If some straight guy was macho-ing it up around me, i’d bite my fist, too. If some straight lady was damseling all over the place, i’d bang my head against the wall. sexual orientation should be a part of you – not all of you – no matter what your orientation.
I suppose the innocent thing to say in defense of Pride is that it’s ONE day a year for people of a sexual minority to get together, and celebrate that which makes us different. sure, that’s lovely. That’s why i went. I parked, walked around, walked through, and was back in my car driving home within 20 minutes. I couldn’t stomach it. i felt disgusted. at my own people! how about that?
I thought, if i had a kid with me, i wouldn’t want to take them to Pride. I wouldn’t want them to think that’s all gay people are about. Our ONE public outing is a day of obnoxious music with booths as far as the eye can see, selling rainbow everything?
I wish it were a day of community service. There were a few booths with great AIDS education, community outreach organizations, heath care… Instead of a hedonistic meat market, i’d rather have us sponsor a day of community involvement, volunteerism, outreach. Whatever that means. My imaginary kid would have a better understanding that socially responsible people can be gay, straight, male, female, and anything (everything) in between. Not just lesbians wearing wife-beaters glaring at each other all day (that’s pretty much all i saw – no one was smiling! the hell?).
And i wanted to live in San Francisco?!?! Ugh. i take it BACK! (sorry, Lindsay, i don’t think you’re as irritable about this as i am! Good thing…)
That’s it. I’m gonna go cool down.
Chris said,
June 6, 2009 at 5:22 pm
I always took the position that one should take pride in accomplishments, rather than attributes. Being gay isn’t something that I achieved, and frankly neither is being openly gay. This isn’t the 1950s, when it took real bravery to openly admit to your sexuality, and when being true to yourself was something you *could* take pride in.
Check out Dan Savage’s “Skipping Towards Gomorrah” – he has an excellent chapter on this. Basically he said that if the gay community just admitted that Pride Day was about having fun and letting lose for a day (like St. Patrick’s Day, for example), he’d have much less of a problem with it.
Lindsay said,
June 6, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Hear Hear on Savage’s point of view…
I take a few exceptions (in my read of your words, although I am sure in chitsy-chatsy it would all level out) in some of your thoughts on the “outwardly” gay folks….And would love to talk about it when we get together in a couple of weeks. I agree on other points and direct all folks to the family friendly party that was gay pride in Amsterdam. It was a party, it was for everyone that could squeeze into the street side or onto a boat on the Prisengraact (spelling is poor I’m sure) canal to enjoy the fun and celebration of being different, being free, and being cut from a different cloth, sexual as that cloth may be.
I think Dykes on Bikes is the last thing that reminds me about why I still get excited about Pride. I still get chills seeing so many flipping women of so many types do what so many women are afraid to do – ride a pack of motorcycles and enjoy the thrill of it. With the odd but real shortage of women wearing their butchy exterior with pride these days, I can’t help but delight in butch lesbians. Not chip on their shoulder assholes that happen to be butch lesbians, but everyday gals that are willing and able to carry their different exterior and personality around without shame.
More than two cents. xoxoxoxoxo
irium said,
June 6, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Chris – i’ll check him out! But not in a gay way, of course…
Lindsay Bolt – i can’t WAIT to talk about this with you, not only because frankly you’re around MUCH more diversity than i am, and on a regular basis, but because i love your brain and your explanation of what you’ve experienced and how it makes sense to you. Your input and ideas would be awesome. And, i admit that perhaps i have a blurring of lines when distinguishing between gender identity and sexual orientation (they are at the same time related and not related, depending on the person!). There’s a lot of good stuff to talk about, and i’m glad we’ll have plenty of time. Thanks for your thoughts.
…and i want ALL of your cents!!!